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「超详细」雅思写作范例- TASK1、TASK2作文解析。真实示例评分解

时间:2022-08-04 10:22:11  来源:  作者:欧蓝OL菲律宾游学

「雅思写作」往往是同学们觉得较有难度的部分,主要原因是:
1.需要用英文表达想法,包含各种图表状况描述、差异性比较、或者变动等
2. 需要阐述论证自己的观点,这已经是学术论文的概念,而这种批判性的思考方式是台湾同学较缺乏的能力。

雅思写作技巧:雅思考官评分标准


 

熟能生巧!

不要紧张!以上这些问题,在经过定期的训练其实都可以克服的。
我们理解同学们在考试前的彷徨,因此特别整理出雅思写作范例,透过同学实际写的作文,再由经验丰富的雅思考官批改,并附上解说同学得失分的详细原因。
希望在这4篇大小作文的示范下,同学们能对于雅思准备更有方向啰!

雅思写作4大评分重点

 

TASK 1 图表题写作范例

  • 任务1 -5.0

雅思写作Task1题目

【Task 1 Topic】
The graph below gives information from a 2008 report about consumption of energy in the USA since 1980 with a projections until 2030.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.


Task1 - 5.0学生作文回答

This graph chart illustrates the variations of six sorts of energy, namely petrol and oil, coal, natural gas, nuclear, solar/wind and hydropower, which used in America from 1980 and makes a prediction (What is the subject of this? Energy sources cannot make predictions!) until 2030.In general, the consumption of petrol and oil topped the chart from 1980, and it will be remained the largest group in 2030, according to the projection of this graph.
The quadrillion units of petrol and oil was 35 from 1980, and after 2005, the consumption was steadily increased steadily. In 2030, the use of fuels will reach 50 quadrillion units. The consumption of coal and natural gas was slightly fluctuated slightly from 1980 to 2010, then which revealed a continuous ascension (not clear) after 2015, while natural gas used to (?) keep the same proportion.
The use of nuclear, solar/wind and hydropower was were merely about 4 quadrillion units from 1980. After 1985, the use of nuclear power demonstrated a slightly riese to Approximately 7 quadrillion units, it will be projected to remain the same proportion in 2025. From this graph, the consumption of nuclear, solar/wind and hydropower were the least important which with each proportion reported to will be 7,5 and 3 respectively in 2030.

考官如何评分

您列出统计数据而不进行比较和对比。任务:4.5 连贯性、衔接:5 词汇:5 语法范围/准确度:4.5分数:5.0


标准

分数

注释

任务成就
(针对任务 1)

4.5

您的释义和概述突出了整个期间的最高能耗。可能值得一提的是,一半的能源保持稳定低位,而其他三种能源则呈上升趋势。
避免引用统计数据而不进行比较和对比。您希望对所有信息进行分析以建立联系,否则您的按钮大让点毫无用处。

连贯性和凝聚力

5

有一些组织。您对信息进行了充分分组,但是没有足够的链接来呈现更清晰的进展。
避免重复:使用……。考虑使用参考:X...的消耗,而Y...的数字,以避免重复的模式,以获得更多的分数。
当关键信息流动而不像列表时,您可以获得 6 或以上。

词汇资源

5

足够的,但有些有限的词汇。不要过于依赖动词:增加、波动、减少……来描述折线图。 使用 X 经历了一个稳定的上升趋势来
改变你的词汇量。某些单词的选择有时会使您的句子不清楚。

语法范围和准确性

4.5

您尝试使用更复杂的结构,但它们往往包含语法错误。幸运的是,大多数错误不会减少沟通。
注意被动形式。避免连续句子。您需要CONJUCTIONS 连接两个句子,否则,开始一个新句子。注意从句中的主语是什么。

任务 1 的总分

5.0

写作TASK1 考情趋势VS最常考主题

  • Task1 -6.0

雅思写作Task1題目

【Task 1 Topic】The two maps below show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

Task 1 - 6.0学生作文回答

The two diagrams illustrate the development onf the anisland, mainly for the tourism purposes.
In general, the changes to this island are characterized by the accessibility and accommodation for visitors, as well as several new roads added for people and vehicle to use. Good overview.
The most apparent alteration is the construction of buildings and facilities. In the middle of this island, there is a reception situated in front of a pier where tourists can take boats to come arrive by boat. To the north of the reception is a restaurant, and these two buildings are surrounded by some houses which visitors can settle in.
There are also some paths added for travelers to trek. These footpaths are linked to each accommodation and stretch to the west of this island, where a beach stands to offer visitors an area for entertainment of swimming. Besides, a track which encircles the reception and leads to the restaurant and pier makes it more convenient for people to drive on.

考官如何评分

任务:6.5 连贯性、衔接:5.5 词汇:6 语法范围/准确度:6分数:6.0


标准

分数

注释

任务成就
(针对任务 1)

6.5

Very good paraphrasing and overview with appropriately selected information at the beginning of the essay.
充分展示了关键特征和要点。除了事态发展之外,岛上的东部地区仍然保持不变,也应该提到在 TASK 下获得更高的分数。
您还应该提到两个住宿区位于接待区的两侧。
您在文章中使用了 SURROUNDED,但事实并非如此。清晰而准确。

连贯性和凝聚力

5.5

信息有些机械地列出。
为了在此类别下获得更多分数,请通过提及住宿+餐厅靠近而休闲设施分布来更好地分组您的信息。
避免在没有足够链接的情况下列出 A、B、C 和 D。你需要一个明确的进展。

词汇资源

6

你使用了足够的词汇量,没有拼写错误来完成这项任务。
更多的注意力需要转向不太常见的词汇,并具有风格和自然搭配的意识,以获得更多的分数。
有一些重复:访客,住宿。也出现了不准确的词汇选择:娱乐。

语法范围和准确性

6

如果这是您第一次提到该主题,请使用 INDEFINITE ARTICLE 进行介绍。
您混合使用简单和复杂的句子结构。你需要更少的语法错误才能获得更高的分数。话虽如此,您的任何错误都不会减少沟通。所以继续努力吧!
 

任务 1 的总分

6.0

 

TASK 2 短篇英文写作范例

  • 任务2 -5.5

雅思写作Task2題目

【Task 2 Topic】Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this options?


Task2 - 5.5学生作文回答

With the extinction of some lesser-used languages, it seems that people have been inclined to speak some specific languages. Would it really make individuals to livein an easier life? This essay will elaborate both of views. Don’t ask questions in academic writing. Indicate your opinion to let me know what’s to come.
In the ancient period of time, there were diverse of populations with their unique mother tongues. For instance, there were a lot of aboriginal tribes with using their own native languages in the world. What the merits are to enhance social cohesion since only the same population speaks one unique language. In addition, the diversity of languages use also includes the cultural identities and values. According to some cultural experts and anthropologists, those who speak their native language well are much more respect and appreciate their ancestors.You need a concluding sentence saying the language can help people preserve their cultural heritage.
However, with the revolution of transportation and communication, opportunities of interacting with foreigners are rose have risen. One might argue that it will be much more convenient and efficient to contact with others with fewer languages as one can lower save the time to guess the real meaning from a person speaking a different language whom one is talking to.Furthermore, since there are fewer languages spoken, tourists do not need to spend time learning extra native languages when they circumnavigate around the world.
As is known to all, there are fewer a few languages have replaced some lesser used ones to become the mainstream language in those countries domestic. Despite the university utilization, I would still prefer to learn other tongue, even they are lesser used, since to understand more different words and sentences sometimes would make me feel more confident myself. You should NOT express this in the conclusion! This needed to be in the main body! What's more, through the learning, I could discover different cultures and broaden my horizon as well. Owing to these reasons, I do not totally agree that if there are fewer languages, we could live in an easier way.

  • 任务2 -6.0

雅思写作Task2題目

【Task 2 Topic】Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

考官如何评分

任务:5 连贯性、衔接:5.5 词汇:6 语法范围/准确度:5 分数:5.5


标准

分数

注释

任务响应
(针对任务 2)

5

您需要在学术写作中使用正式注册。
问你的读者问题来介绍一个主题太不正式了。与其说你会在介绍的最后看到争论的双方,不如通过说明你的观点来获得更多的分数。
在每个主体段落的末尾,您需要一个清晰的结论句。你所有的意见/陈述都应该在正文中。结论是你总结你已经提到的一切的地方。
你不能在结论中表达任何新的想法。

连贯性和凝聚力

5.5

从你的主题句到支持陈述再到结论句,你必须让这些流动。 不要在示例中间结束段落。
此类别下无其他重大问题。你的段落需要改进。

词汇资源

6

你使用了足够多的词汇,包括一些成语(拓宽视野)。
保持良好的工作。注意搭配: SOCIAL COHESION。这两个词连在一起。
当您指的是社会凝聚力时,不要只使用 COHERSION。不要在古代添加 PERIOD OF。 不正确的搭配使用会失去你的分数。

语法范围和准确性

5

您使用了一系列简单和复杂的句子结构,但是,后者往往包含语法错误。
在你写下它们之前,首先在你的脑海中运行这些句子。
注意您的文章:a、an、the和有时您不需要文章。也要注意你的单数/复数名词。

任务 2 的总分

5.5

 

 


Task2 - 6.0學生作文回答

In the modern society, high-developedadvanced technology has a huge impact on how people contact and interact with others. Although technology does bring us some benefits and cause positive changes, drawbacks still exist indicate in it what the drawbacks are.
There is no denying that technology provides us with convenience. People can easily talk to their friends by just picking up the phone or typing a few words on the little mobile screen, without the concern of distance between them or how hard it is to meet each other in person due to their busy schedules business. The advent of the Inte.NET also gives us more opportunity to make friends with new unknown people beyond the border of countries through social media or some dating applications. The development of technology achieves something incredible which could not have been cannot be imagined in the old days.
Nonetheless, advanced technology doesn't always affect people in a positive manner. Too many means of connection with friends sometimes make people become careless to maintain their friendship or pay less attention to keeping a nice relationship. The further consequence is that people tend to find more new, quick and easy relationships rather than repairing the old ones when they have some problems with their friends. What's more, without the face-to-face interaction, it is hard to tell whether the people we know on the website are is good or not. Too vague. What do you mean?
In conclusion, while we take benefit from the advantages of technology, have the awareness of the underlying risks when using it and we must do not let the development of the technology change our behavior or forget how to cherish a sincere relationship.

考官如何評分

任务:6 连贯性、衔接:6 词汇:6语法范围/准确度:6得分:6.0继续努力。


标准

分数

注释

任务响应
(针对任务 2)

6

通过讨论主题的利弊,您可以充分解决任务的所有部分。
但是,您没有提供如何平衡的解决方案。在介绍的最后,您将重点放在缺点上。这使您的读者认为您将在此基础上发展您的论点。稍后,您在没有真正得出有意义的结论的情况下谈论便利性以及负面影响。

连贯性和凝聚力

6

你的文章有一个明显的整体进展。
您的想法和示例有效地联系在一起。第三段的结尾应该更清楚。它应该链接到关于信任人的结论句。
每个主体段落的明确结论句将在此类别下为您赢得 7 分或以上。

词汇资源

6

足够的词汇量。如果您不详细说明,请避免在学术写作中使用 GOOD/BAD 等模糊形容词。
整体搭配不错,但您需要所有单词和短语才能更好地协同工作。阅读更多英文,以产生自然的搭配。
在尝试将它们翻译成英文之前,不要先用中文形成单词和想法。

语法范围和准确性

6

充分使用简单和更复杂的句子结构的组合。
你需要小心你的动词时态和你的单数/复数形式以及与这些形式一致的动词。你的语法错误都不会影响你试图传达的意思。
保持良好的工作并减少此类错误以获得更高的分数。

任务 2 的总分

6

-



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